i look into e mirror..
n realise i dun recongnise myself..
dun noe who i am..
the pain is baq..
n e tears never go away..
i jus...


i realise..
i had love u so much..
i realise..
i still nd u alot..
when i noe u r walking behind me..
jus simply walking behind..
i 4get e feeling of lostness..
n i wish tt tym had stop there..
i can use everything jus 2 exchange a word or another look from u..
bt i noe this isnt possible..
i noe i haf 2 learn to b on my own..
n i wish tt tt happy smile never disappear fr ur face..
the smile tt u smile fr e bottom of ur heart..
god..i'm willing 2 use every single bits of my happiness to xchange 4 his..
jus let him b happy..


is ur birthday today..
this yr i'm nt supposed 2 b there..
bt i noe u wil haf a happy birthday with all ur friends ard..
cldnt c e happy smile on ur face..
s long s i noe tt u r happy is enough le..
happy birthday 2 u..


christmas is cuming..
some ppl r so excited abt christmas..
bt i wish tt this day dun cum forever..
i dun 1 it to b here..
wat am i gg to do tt day..
hmm..probably sllp thr e whole day ba..
ya..i'm gg to slp fr the night of christmas eve to 26th..


ya..i nd 2 b drunk nw..
i hate 2 b awake..
hate 2 b crying here alone..
hate 2 feel tt pain..
hate thinking of u..


y..
y did i noe tt i wld felt so bad..n i stil do this..
y am i toturing myself lyk tt..
i'm nt strong at all..nt at all..
did u noe..i cldnt take this anymore..
i dun noe hw..i felt so bad nw..
y didnt u jus kill me..y do i toture myself..dying will b easier...
i...
wat shld i do..


hope turn into lies..
wanted to stay away from here..
n b alone..
i felt so lost..


finally i get to play my mj 2day le..
haha..happy..
dun noe hw 2 describe the sadness..
staring at e com screen dun noe wat i can still type..
nthing more happy to record..nthing unhappy 2 tok abt..
continue staring..dun noe wat to type..
......................................
haiz....
i wish there is a place nw whr i can shout n cry s loud s i 1..


no matter wat..
i wish u r 4ever happy n fine lyk nw..


u changed alot..u r doing so gd nw..
this had been wat i wanted..u happy n well..
bt y am i crying nw? u seems 2 b another person..no longer e 1 i noe..
to u i'm nthing..nthing!! is nthing..
u r so much better without me..n me?
i'm nt moving on..i'm stil standing at e same place..or even moving backwards..
i hate myself..y am i so useless..y am i nt moving on..
y..tell me y..seow hui xian..u r silly..he didnt nd u 2 wry 4 him..
wat position r u in 2 even wry..he dun even 1 2 c u..dun even 1 2 tok 2 u..
u r nt anything..u r simply rubbish..rubbish!!
he gt his own world..n his world dun allow rubbish..dun u get it..
e pain jus dun leave me..
if time can changes so much things..can bring away everything..den bring me away 2..
away from here..pls..
i cldnt take it anymore..


i 1 2 shout very very loud..
1 2 drink alot alot alot of alcohol until i vomit..
1 2 cry all my hearts out..
1 2 bite ppl de hand..
1 2 do all sort of crazy things..
anybody 1 2 pei me??
wahahaha...


perhaps i cld only love u in this way..


现在的心感觉好重好重..
又想哭了..
为什么最近的我常常都在哭..
我到底是怎么了..
我好象忘了答应过自己什么..
我不知道要怎么不去想你..不知道怎样才能让心不会再痛..
我..真的不知道...


i dun noe wat am i doing..
i dun 1 to put yself into tt mess anymore..
bt nthing seem 2 b impt.
think i'm jus hopeless..


slept thr e day today..
11-5 den 6-10..haha..lyk my shift wrk lyk tt..
hmm..i guess i'm reali very gd in slping..n nw my whole body is aching..
bt i slp very peacefully 2day..haha..if everyday lyk tt jiu hao..
today sum1 tell me, my email add n my nick doent go with each other..
ya..happy xianxian..whr is e happy xianxian..
i dun noe..disappear long time ago..
n nw i'm used to this xianxian le..


yeah..today i gt 1 whole free day staying at hm..
wahaha..can slp s much s i 1..
went to play badminton jus nw..
super long didnt play le..haha..fun..
n i think i feel alot better nw..
hmm..if gt mj play den even better..lol..
my mj day gone..sob sob..all bcos of tt sim hoon lu..all bcos she use her wed 2 wrk split shift nw..lol..
n nw i'm broke broke broke..
haiz..drop sum $$ 4 me ba..
lol..think i'm been repeating this every end of e mth huh..
haha..mayb 1 fine day the god wil find me fan n drp sum 4 me..
lol..


当只有我一个人的时候..
脸上只剩下眼泪陪我...
心..真的好痛..
我不需要你的对不起..
这样只是让我更受伤而以..
如果你觉得这样很好..
那就这样吧..
只要你好就好..
jus dun say sry agn..


i will b ok de..
i'm telling myself i will..


we r 1 seat away..
an empty seat..
so near..a distant i dreamt everyday..
i always looked out hoping u r there..
even is jus a few secs b4 u disappear..
nobodys noes hw badly i miss u..
n when we r so near..all i hear is slient..
we r pretending we didnt c each other when we r jus a seat away..
hw stupid..yes..i'm dumb..
shld i haf even smile 2 u..things mayb diff..
bt i didnt..i kept my stupid mouth shut..n i dun noe y..
strangers..only word left 2 describe us..
n it hurts..
if this is e way u use 2 let me 4get u..
den i 1 2 tell u..
u r cruel..
did u noe..
i love u..


i jus cry n cry..
i dun noe wat i can stil do 2 make myself feel better..
it hurts so much..
tell me..
y did we end up tis way..
y...


is 3.37am now..and i'm still nt slping..
haha..n i gt a 9am lesson later..so i gt 3 more hrs to slp..wonder if i can wake up?? lol..
have been wrking over the weekends..haiz..no sch means work..tiring..sian..bt tml no nd wrk..yeah!!=)
haha..know y i stayed up til so late?? cos i gt 2 finish my comm skill so tt i can hand in tml..haha..last min grab buhdda legs..lol..direct translation..
hmm..
i miss playing mj la..when can i play??
and i'm agn broke nw..stil gt 10 more days 2 pay day..hope i survive thr ba..

i realise something 2day..
n nw my mind is clearer..
bt tis doesnt mean a gd thing..
haiz..i wish is another way round..


tears...


tire tire tire..
after wrking full day today..
legs very pain sia..
n..
i miss you..
haiz..


am i asking 4 e impossible??


been very long i last play mj..
n even longer i last played pool..
i 1 play mj..i 1 play mj..
when can i play??


down down down..
i couldnt walk out of this circle..
tire tire tire..
but i dun feel lyk slping..
haiz..
something is wrong with me..
i wish i'm locked up in a rm whr nobody cares nw..
till e day..
something is right with me..
someday..
sometime..


happy or not..
does it reali matters?
mayb it doesnt..


feel lost..
dun noe which direction i should go..
someting is missing from my life..
something so impt..
n i dun noe wat is missing..
haiz..
something, whr r u??


photos r e best things 2 kp memories..
everything had changed.
n i miss it alot..
it seems tt i had 4get wat i reali 1...


watched stardust..
fairytale story..
beautiful..
bt doesnt happen..
i'm having very frequent headache tis few days..
dun noe y oso..
n i'm stil doing project nw when my head is gg 2 explode liao..
haiz..nvm la..
mayb explode better..
den dun nd to projects le..
wahaha..
i mus b crazy..
haiz..baq 2 projects liao..
shall end here..




hope is nt 2 late...


same trick..
diff ppl..
diff feeling..
u remind me of him..
2day i'm dann irritated by tt sim hoon lu!!
she ar..
make me lose all my yi tai..
think only she gt e ability..


if this is wat u 1..
den u suceed le..
bt mayb u r right ba..
haiz..
i tot i was ok..
bt it turn out tt i'm wrong..
so dann wrong..
i actually cried infront of customer 2day..
haha..
the customer was super stun wen she see my tears..
lol..sry ah..
i didnt did it on purpose de..


jus finish watching 18 jin bu jin..
a super funny n touching show..
it reminds me of my sec3&4 sch life..
n e 1 yr we r tgt..i wil nvr 4get..
i noe u 4 5yrs le..bt u only noe me 4 4yrs..
i stil rmb hw i get 2 noe u..we r stil nt classmates at tt tym..
until sec3..until we start 2 hang out tgt..
playing basketball..staying baq after sch..study..chalet..everything..
bt we dun reali tok..think bye bye n hello is e words we said most 2 each others..
bt ur care n concern nvr failed 2 bring e smile on my face..
i will nvr 4get e way u laugh..e cool look of urs..n e way u look outside e window..
nvr 4get e way we turn 2 look at each other n smile..nvr..
from bcuming classmates 2 we r tgt..2 nw..
my world haf been turning ard u..
u r e 1 make tis 4 yrs meanginful..who make tis 4 yrs unforgettable..
i dun noe wat r we nw..mayb we can reali b friends 1 day de..
4yrs of memories..happy n sad..
is nt something tt i click delete n it wil b gone..
bt memories r memories..
is something tt had past n can only b kept deep down in my heart..
i sholudnt b living in my memories anymore..
u r jus sum1 who had walked out of my life..
hopefully 1 day u found sum1 u reali cherish..
haha..n i believe
i wil also found my prince charming de..
lol..i fa hua chi le..=P
oh ya..
another thing..i 1 2 learn cooking..
so tt next tym i can cook nice nice de food 4 other ppl 2 eat..
haha..who 1 2 b my 1st geunie(spell correctly??) pig??
lol..ar ting ar..think will b u liao la..
b prepared ar..
b prepare 2 prasie me..
wahahaha..=D


i should leave it blank..
blank blank blank..


ok..i admit tt i'm lazy..
nt jus lazy..is super de lazy..
dun noe y i can b so lazy oso..
it's a jue dian tt stay with me 4 e past 18yrs..
lol..
i pon sch agn 2day..
n this is e 2nd time this wk..n imagine i only had 2 go 2 sch 4 3 days..
haiz..
getting lazier n lazier..
ok..next week mus b more guai..
no pon-ing allow k..
mus haf sum self control..
haiz..
sumtimes i reali hate myself 4 being so lazy..


argh!!!!!!
i reali hate staying at hm..
hate 2 b scold..
cant i have peace at hm..
if dun believe den dun ask..
throw me out if u wan..
i didnt like 2 b hm..
=(


today when i'm on the bus to orchard..
i saw a couple quarreling..
every1 was looking at them..
den the husband gt very agaited..
n he slap his wife!
he gave her 6 tight slap..
6!!!
den after tt he think tt slapping is nt enough..
he punch his wife on her head..
punch u noe..
n the 3 kids was looking at their parent in shock..
they r only very small de kids..
even i'm shocked..
lucky there is a gentleman stop tt stupid guy..
wat kind of stupid husband is tt..
no matter wat he shouldnt haf slap his wife..he didnt marry her 2 abuse her!
think if i were e 1 who is sitting behind tt stupid pig,
i will reali scold him lyk siao..
haiz..he makes me remind of my father..
last tym my papa de temper oso super bad lyk him..n all he noe is 2 use violence..
only noe hw 2 scold n beat my mum..
lucky nw he alot better le..n tt guy is even worst than my father..
i pity the kids..at tt moment i was wondering how the kids feels..
they r stil so young..wat will they think..
the father is dann selfish..he didnt think of his children..
they will 4ever rmb hw their father treat their mum de..
haiz...
if only every1 can live in peace..
happy n healthy....
bt tt is jus so impossible..
den 2day my temper wasnt very gd..
i dun noe y oso..so easily frustrated..
n i ate alot 2day!! lol..
nvm..neng chi shi fu..wahaha=)


this is my 101 post..
haha..
this few days keep kena papa scold..
haiz..
sumtimes i jus wish i'm nt at hm..


today on my way hm..
i sit bside a mother carrying a baby gal..
the baby girl look so cute..
den suddenly the baby gal smile at me..
haha..
of cos i smile baq..
lol..
the baby gal's smile is so innocent..
i wish i had tt smile 2..
e smile tt is so true..


sick sick sick..
cough n flu..
haiz..
hate to get flu esp..


today i bring 3 monster ba0q to my hse..
n they use my msn to ka jiao ppl..
n now they r stil ka jiao-ing me..
kk..shall stop here..
haha..
nitex!


bits n pieces..
i gt no more strength 2 do it all over agn..
if this is e way it will b..
den let it b..
n frm nw onwards..
we've gt nthing to do with each other..


excuses..
these r all excuses..
i hate ur excuses..
if u didnt 1 2 affect me..
den dun u noe u r hurting me even more by doing this..
y do this 2 me..
y..


nothing seems 2 b rite 2day..
n i think i'm falling sick..
my sore throat is getting fr bad 2 worst..
n nw i'm coughing..
i care 2 much..
i shouldnt haf..



thx joanna=) even is jus a few words..
bt u reali make me feel better..
u always make me feel tt i'm nt alone..
thx gal=)


no sch 2day..
went out with hn,dg,bell n cheryl today 2 eat dinner..
is always fun being with them..
at least i'm nt alone..