It's the end of the year again. 2012 is a tough year, I have lost and gained alot in the year. Many struggles and despair moments. At the end of the year, I want to thank the ppl who walk through the hardest period with me.

The Sims: I could never thank the both of you enough. I'm so glad I have your in my life. Growing up tgt was so much fun and happiness, I wish we would be there for each other in every stages of our life in the future, and we grow old tgt. How beautiful it is. I love you, sim fen ru and sim fenni!

Muack: Childhood friends are always the best, this saying mirrors us perfectly. Thank you for being there for me whenever I cry and need company. The younger us doing all kinds of stupid things tgt are the best memories of mine. I Love you, MUACK!

黎輝成: Even though things didn't work out between us, I would never forget the things you have done for me. You would be surprise how much I actually rememeber. Thanks for all the care and love, you get me through the most difficult time. It would be much harder without you. It's a regret that we ended up this way, maybe someday we could put it all behind us and be friends again. At least I hope we can. Thank you for everything.

Seow hui ting: My most important person in life. You are such a strong and beautiful lady. I'm so proud to be your sister, you bring me nothing but joy and happiness. Babe, grab your happiness, you deserve every ounch of it. I love you, and will always be here for you.


Let's look forward to 2013 and enjoy it to the fullest.
:)


幸福如履薄冰


Right person at the wrong timing.
Someday, when the timing is right, will I meet the right person again?
Nobody knows what the future holds.


Merry Christmas indeed. I'm grateful to have my love ones with me this Christmas, it is a joyous season because of them. I was home, and it felt like dad was there with us. Everytime I'm home, I could feel dad so strongly and it intensified my urge of going back home to stay. Other than dad, I felt him too, his temperature was still there and he was on my mind the whole night. This is the hardest part when someone leave your life.

To all my love ones, Thank you for being part of my life:)


My house is like a place that has been vacant for a long long time.
I don't like how it is now.
Ever since Dad passed away, the house became so lifeless.
I miss dad, and home.



I miss you.
wish you were here with me this christmas.
like how I wish dad was here too, it just ain't going to happen.



Sometimes, I speak like the way you do.
It is a bittersweet feeling.
Rainy weather, rainy mood.
















  Life likes to put us up for challenges, well, try me.




It was a rough day, I quit pretending, I'm not okay, not at all.
It is hard dealing with the pain of losing you. All I could do is remind myself this is better for you,only that didn't make the pain lesser.I cried so hard when I was running just now, I miss dad, it hurts everytime I miss him, dad was gone,forever. There isn't a home with dad sitting in it anymore. I'd never see and hear dad again, despair and grief isn't enough to describe how I feel. But you were there to hold me when I cried, I know I will not fall apart in your arms. Then you were gone, if I hadn't been so weak and let you go sooner, maybe you will not be so deeply hurt. In the future, be happy baby. I love you.
Sometimes, I wish I could just switch off my feelings.


To a place where no one knows me.
A place with green,blue and peace.
live alone till the day I die.









                                            

Did I ever tell you,
that I love the way you look at me so intensely like I'm the only one,
that I'm so touched when you pay attention warming my hands when you realize they are cold,
that I cried when you told me my happiness and sadness are your responsibility,
that knowing you is one of the luckiest thing in my life.
unspoken words.


It feels total crap when the first thing that hits you when you woke up is realizing you lost a love one forever.

My weakness pushes you away, it was difficult for you. I'm sorry that I have hurt you. What you and I want is different, and we couldn't compromise on that, and so it has to end up this way. Helpless with the outcome. I'm grateful for all you have done for me, you know you have the VIP access to my life, anytime you want me back into yours.









There's another way to give me a family, but you gave it up.
I miss you dad.







                                                  




Headache is getting from bad to worst. Woke up this morning with a bad headache again. The frequency just keep increasing. It was a painful morning, handling lost isn't my forte. It hurts big time when you decided to walk out on me.


It was a heartbreaking decision. When I said you meant alot to me, you really do.
The feeling is like losing dad all over again. It's a pain I need to learn to live with.
I was silly to think that even we cant be lover, I will not lose you. That was a foolish thought.


Crashing down once again.
What do I believe in?




                                                                                                

It's good to have someone by your side, guarding you like an angel. To be frank, I need someone like  this,whom I can reveal my weaker side to. But I had to learn not to rely on another person, and that will be too much to ask from a person esp when you cant repay them with the same kind of commitment. No matter how painful it is, learn to live with it.






                                                                             This is so pretty. Infinity Love.






Back home. Couldn't describe the feeling when I stepped inside the house. Dad's presence was missing, the greeting of lights and sound of the TV was absent. Only slience was there to welcome me. I think I'm still not used to it. Yet, at the same time, the familiarity was there. There is no place like home. Even things changed, it is still home. It is the place dad had left us with, every single corner has the shadow of him. I can feel like dad is in the living room with me now. I hope someday sister would come home with me, like how we always did. Even dad isn't around anymore, home is. I'm looking forward to moving back home one day.


I miss you, father.


Nightmare, and I woke up in cold sweat.



Been having headache for a few days in a row already.
I need to start sleeping earlier and drink more water.
My body is protesting.
:(


The unbearable pain.


I dreamt of dad last night. I dreamt of him abusing my mum, it was a bad dream. He looked haggard in it. It had been 5 months since his departure, memories of his is still so intense. I could remember how he looked when he smiled, the sound of his laughter, the worried face of his, the reminders that he never failed to mention when we leave house everyday still echoe. I remember the 4 of us sitting at the dining table, the 3 of us sitting on the sofa watching our favourite drama. Those moments are gone forever, I will never get to have those again.


I stop believing because I'm afraid of losing it.