太执着只会让自己不快乐，放宽心或许会发现不一样的风景。


I don't know what is wrong. So not motivated to all things, feeling so demoralized. Feel like I'm wasting my life away. Seow hui xian, this is not going to continue, I'm going to have a good rest tonight and everything goes back to track tomorrow.


Dreamt of dad last night, the dream lasted less than half an hour but I woke up in tears. I'm sad and scared. I don't know if I have made the right choice moving out. Whenever I thought of how lonely and afraid she is, I feel so guilty and painful. I question myself have I done enough for her, did I caused her to be this way somehow. Had I been a better person, dad would still be with us. This is something I can never forgive myself, I tried hard to close the distance between us and her, all I want is to for us to be together happily, to be a filial daughter to her, to see her happy and well. I wishfully thought she is changing for the better, can't describe the disappointment when the truth is thrown to my face. I can't handle her lies and excuses anymore. I'm numb, I don't even want to pursue the reason or worry if history will be repeating itself. This is exactly how I felt when I decided to move out, except I don't feel angry this time round. I know the guilt will be following me around but I'm so sick and tire of the cycle.

Growing up make me a more grateful person. I'm grateful for all the beautiful things that happen to me and to have many loving people around me. Grateful to be well and healthy. There is no reason for me not to be happy, I have far more than I deserve. Everything else is just to make me a better person.


Back from Taiwan. It was a trip with good food, good friends,nice scenery lots of travelling and shopping.  10 days isn't really long, but long enough for me to miss my friends and sister.It feels so good to be home, to be ard my love ones. I miss dad, I have wish to come home to a table of good food prepare by dad, to share with dad everything I did and see in Taiwan. I was so envy of huining when she had her parents to fetch her from the airport. I wish dad was waiting for me at home too. But then life isn't perfect, I can't be asking for everything. Even though dad isn't here, I had my dearest sister and best friends missing me, taking care of me, sharing all my experiences and giving me family warmth. There's no words to describe how much I love them. I am so thankful to have them.

I don't want things which I can't have.